Anything You Can Do(I Can Do Better)
by LadiJ
Summary: Mercedes is the Diva but Sam thinks he's the better performer because he knows what sells and that is sex. Mercedes wants to prove that she can be sexy too. This sparks intrest amongst thier friends and they decide to have not a Diva Off but a Sexy Off.


**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee or the songs.**

**A/N: I had this idea in my head so I had to get this out just a quick one-shot. The songs used are Sex Therapy by Robin Thicke and Dance For You by Beyonce.**

Anything You Can Do (I Can Do Better)

"In your dreams Sam Evans" Mercedes spat.

Sam and Mercedes sat in the cafeteria with their friends having a heated discussion about performing.

"There is no way you can out-perform me" she continued "I am a DIVA for a reason."

"Just because you're a diva does not mean you can't be out-performed Jones" Sam replied.

"Calm down guys" Mike said "it's not that serious."

"Hush Mike" Kurt said "this is getting good."

"I know you have a great voice and can sing me under the table" Sam said "but what I lack in vocals I totally make up in performance."

"So what are you trying to say Sam? I don't put on a good show."

"No, that's not at all what I'm trying to say. You do put on a "good" show but I put on a "phenomenal" show. The Justin Bieber Experience was crazy hot and all kinda sexy."

Mercedes rolled her eyes and scoffed "It was not all that Sam."

"I saw you fanning and screaming for it so it had to be something" he said with that smug look on his face. "See the difference between your performances and mine Mercy is that you make people feel like they in church when you sing I on the other hand make them feel like doin a little sinnin."

That moment made the Diva sass come out full force "Oh Hell To The Naw so you saying I can't do sexy? You of all people know I can be sexy."

"Oh I know you sexy" Sam said with a smirk on his face as he unconsciously licks his lips thinking about their encounter just last night "I'm just sexier."

"I think it's only one way to handle this" Kurt said.

"A diva off" Tina said.

"A sexy diva off" Santana said.

"Hell yeah I gots to see that" Artie chimed in.

"I'm down" Sam said "What about you Mercy you ain't scared are you?"

"Please I ain't never scared I'm in."

"So when and where is this taking place?" Quinn asked.

"Friday night, my house since my parents are gone for the weekend" Mercedes said.

"That is perfect" Blaine said "but we have to establish the rules."

"Agreed" Mercedes said "I think it should be solo performances no help from our friends as back up dancers."

"I agree to that" Sam said "and our friends will be the judges."

They all agreed.

"No rubbin up on them to try an influence their decisions" Sam said.

"That rule sucks" Puck said "sexy Mama I think I need some influence from you."

"Yeah me too" Artie said.

Everybody laughed except Sam who was sending them death glares.

"I agree with the rule Sam."

"So it's on Friday at Aretha's house for the sexy off" Santana said.

"You going down Jones" Sam said.

"Bring it on Evans. I got moves you ain't never seen."

**~FRIDAY~**

Everyone was all excited about tonight's event that was the conversation all day at school.

"So who do you think is going to win this sexy off?" Tina asked.

"I don't know" Quinn said "I didn't want to say this in front of Cedes but Sam had a point he does know how to put on a show."

"Yeah he can be very sexy" Brittney said.

"Yeah but so can Sexy Mama" Puck said.

"She sexy without knowing she being sexy" Artie said.

"I do know that they both have been taking this sexy off very seriously and working really hard" Mike said.

"So we need to take judging very seriously too" Blaine said "no showing favoritism because they are your best friends" looking at Kurt and Tina "or you're obsessed with their ass" looking at Puck and Artie.

"Yes we need to be fair" Quinn agreed.

"This is going to be so fun" Santana said "especially with alcohol."

"I'm on it" Puck said.

**Later that night…**

Everybody made it to Mercedes house and was already getting they party on. Mercedes was in her room putting the final touches on her make up. She had on an oversized Ohio State sweat suit to hide her costume. She made her way downstairs to join her friends. Sam was sitting on the couch with a very serious and determined look on his face; she could tell he was getting in the zone.

"Finally" Kurt screamed when he saw her walk in "are we ready to start?"

"Oh I'm ready" Sam said giving his signature smile.

"Let's do this" Mercedes said with her hands on her hips

"Ok so we will flip a coin to see who goes first." Blaine said "Call it in the air Mercedes."

"Heads"

Blaine tossed the coin in the air and caught it. He flipped the coin on the back on his hand and revealed the coin

"Heads it is. Who's first Cedes?"

"I'll let Sammy go first and save the best for last" she smirked.

"That's cool I'll just get you so turned on you won't be able to do your performance" he whispered in her ear causing her breath to hitch feeling his breath on her skin. "Give me five minutes to get changed."

Sam ran into the bathroom to change. When he emerged he had on a black suit that fit perfectly a white button down shirt with the top three buttons undone showing off his taut chest and a bow tie untied around his neck.

_Damn he looked like sex on a stick she thought this is not going to be easy. _

Sam brings a chair in the middle of the room and sits down with his leg across his knee and pointed to start the music;

**Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa**

** Hey yeah**

** Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa **

He sat up and put his elbows on his knees clasped his hands together under his chin and stared right at Mercedes.

_He knows that look drives me crazy._

** Stressed out uptight, over worked wound up**

** Unleash what you got let's explore your naughty side**

** Follow me where we go, we don't need no bread crumbs**

** Can't you see baby you're the only one**

** You are my love, you are my love**

** Let me be your medicine**

** Cuz I got one thing on my mind I'll be your valentine**

** Spread your wings and baby fly away**

He got up and slowly walked over to Mercedes and grabbed her hand and pulled him to him and began to slowly rock from side to side never taking his eyes off her.

_He smells so good she thought my body is betraying me right now. _

** It's your body you can yell if you want to**

** Loud if you want to, scream if you want to**

** Just let me love you lay right here girl don't be scared of me**

** Give you sex therapy, give you sex therapy **

**It's your body we'll go hard if you want to**

** As hard as you want to, soft as you want to**

** Just let me love you lay right here I'll be your fantasy**

** Give you sex therapy, give you sex therapy**

**Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa**

** Yeah yeah**

** Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa**

** Ooooo**

He sat her down on the chair he once occupied and began to dance in front of her gyrating his hips.

_He knew exactly what he was doing to her._

** Baby less all for you to do is let your body be**

** I'll lick you down and make you feel like you 'bout it 'bout it**

** Ha ha ha ha ha ha, the doctor's here for you**

** Take you like Twilight I'll bite your neck**

** You don't have to stay in the rain I'll get you wet, yeah**

** Push you up against the wall, turn you out and turn you on **

**Eh eh whoa**

He was giving her a White Chocolate special lap dance slowly removing his jacket and unbuttoning the rest of his shirt.

_OMG! This man is going to be the death of me. _.

** It's your body you can yell if you want to**

** Loud if you want to, scream if you want to**

** Just let me love you lay right here girl don't be scared of me**

** Give you sex therapy, give you sex therapy **

**It's your body we'll go hard if you want to**

** As hard as you want to, soft as you want to**

** Just let me love you lay right here I'll be your fantasy**

** Give you sex therapy, give you sex therapy**

**Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa oooo**

** Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa oooo**

Sam wrapped her legs around his waist and she put her hands around his neck he quickly lifted her up and switched positions with her now straddling his lap as he sat in the chair.

**Whoa-oh oh oh oh, yeah yeah yeah yeah**

** Girl it's your body we can do whatever you like**

** Girl it's your body we can do whatever you like**

** It's your body we can ride and rock and roll**

** Ride and rock and roll ride and rock **

**O-o-o-OH oh oh oh**

**It's your body you can yell if you want to**

** Loud if you want to, scream if you want to**

** Just let me love you lay right here girl don't be scared of me**

** Give you sex therapy, give you sex therapy **

**It's your body we'll go hard if you want to**

** As hard as you want to, soft as you want to**

** Just let me love you lay right here I'll be your fantasy**

** Give you sex therapy, give you sex therapy**

** Girl it's girl it's girl it's your body**

** We can do, can do, (sex therapy) can do**

** Girl it's girl it's girl it's your body**

** We can do whatever (sex therapy) you like **

**Just let me love you lay right here girl don't be scared of me**

** Give you sex therapy, give you sex therapy**

After the song ended he was looking intently in her eyes and he saw the lust filled look he was giving him.

_I got her right where I want her he thought. _

He slid her off his lap and gave her a quick peck on the lips.

"Damn guppy I have to say that was hot as hell" Santana said fanning herself.

"Oh my if I knew you had it like that I would have never cheated on you with Finn" Quinn said.

Mercedes shot Quinn a 'step back bitch' look.

"Thanks Quinn" Sam said "I think."

"I have to admit that was really good Sam" Mike said.

"Ok Mercedes your up" Blaine said.

Mercedes was still trying to recover from Sam's performance. She quickly shook it off and went to get ready. She came back from the bathroom with a white button down men's shirt and tie loosely tied around her neck, black boy shorts, black stockings and black six inch heels. Her hair had loose curls framing her face.

_ OMG! I'm in trouble Sam thought._

Mercedes stood in the middle of the room and nodded to start the music;

**I just wanna show you how much I appreciate you, yes**

** Wanna show you how much I'm dedicated to you, yes**

Mercedes started walking slowly and seductively towards Sam.

** Wanna show you how much I will forever be true, yes**

** Wanna show you how much you got your girl feeling good, oh, yes**

** Wanna show you how much, how much you understood, oh, yes**

** Wanna show you how much I value what you say,**

** Not only are you loyal, you're patient with me babe, oh, yes**

**I wanna show you how much I really care about your heart,**

** I wanna show you how much I hate being apart, oh, yes**

** Show you, show you, show you, till you through with me,**

** I wanna keep it how it is so you can never say how it used to be!**

Swaying her hips from side to side and giving him a seductive look.

** Loving you is really all that's on my mind**

** And I can't help but to think about it day and night,**

** I wanna make that body rock**

** Sit back and watch!**

She started rolling her hips.

_She is so sexy Sam thought I am about to rip that shirt off her right now._

** Tonight I'm gonna dance for you, oh-oh**

** Tonight I'm gonna dance for you, oh-oh**

** Tonight I'm gonna put my body on your body**

** Boy I like it when you watch me, ah**

** Tonight it's going down**

** I'll be rocking on my babe, rocking, rocking on my babe,**

** Swirlin' on my babe, swirlin', swirlin' on my babe**

** Baby let me put my body on your body**

** Promise not to tell nobody**

** 'Cause it's 'bout to go down!**

She stood directly in front of Sam as she continued to dance sexy for him. She can sense Sam getting aroused.

** You'll never need 2 'cause I will be your number 1**

** Them other chicks are superficial**

** But I know you know I'm the one**

** That's why I'm all into you**

** 'Cause I can recognize that you know that**

** That's why I'm backing this thing back**

She turned around and popped her ass against him

** Pop-popping this thing back**

Dropping her ass up and down on his lap.

_OH Shit Mercy he thought_

** Drop, drop, drop-dropping this thing back**

** This is for the time you gave me flowers**

** For the world that is ours**

** For the mula, for the power of love**

** And no I won't never ever e-ever give you up**

** And I wanna say thank you in case I don't thank you enough**

** A woman in the street and a freak in the you know what**

** Sit back, sit back, it's the pre-game show**

** Daddy you know what's up!**

** Loving you is really all that's on my mind**

** And I can't help but to think about it day and night,**

** I wanna make that body rock**

** Sit back and watch!**

She started grinding against him

_This is torture he thought._

** Tonight I'm gonna dance for you, oh-oh**

** Tonight I'm gonna dance for you, oh-oh**

** Tonight I'm gonna put my body on your body**

** Boy I like it when you watch me, ah**

** Tonight it's going down**

** I'll be rocking on my babe, rocking, rocking on my babe,**

** I'll be swirlin' on my babe, swirlin', swirlin' on you babe**

** I'm gonna put my body on your body**

** Promise not to tell nobody**

** 'Cause it's about to go down!**

** Imma take this time to show you how much you mean to me**

** 'Cause you are all I need**

** No money can emphasize or describe the love that's in between the lines**

** Boy look into my eyes**

** When I'm grinding on you, this is beyond sex**

** Boy I'm high on you, and if it's real**

** Then you know how I feel**

** Rocking on you, babe, rocking, rocking, on you, babe**

** Swirling on you, babe,**

** In my mind all I can think about is a frame for our future**

** And the pictures of the past,**

** And a chance to make this love last, oh, oh**

** Tonight I'm gonna dance for you, oh-oh**

** Tonight I'm gonna dance for you, oh-oh**

** Tonight I'm gonna put my body on your body**

** Boy I like it when you watch me, ah**

** Tonight it's going down**

** I'll be rocking on my babe, rocking, rocking on my babe,**

** I'll be swirlin' on my babe, swirlin', swirlin' on you babe**

** I'm wanna put my body on your body**

** Promise not to tell nobody**

** 'Cause it's about to go down, oh!**

She was poppin and droppin her ass and rolling it back up slow.

_She is trying to kill me but at least I'll go happy he thought._

** Watch me pop it, pop it, p-p-p-p-pop it for you baby**

** Drop it, drop it, drop it, drop it for you baby**

** Watch it, watch it, watch it, watch me throw it baby**

** Wanna make that body rock**

** Sit back and watch!**

** Me pop it, pop it, p-p-p-p-pop it for you baby**

** Drop it, drop it, drop it, drop it for you baby**

** Watch it, watch it, watch it, watch me throw it baby**

** Wanna make that body rock**

** Sit back and watch!**

_I'm going to make her hit that high note again later on._

** Yes**

** Yes**

** Yes**

** Oh, yes**

** Oh, yes**

** Yes**

** Yes**

** Oh, yes**

As the song ended she was directly in front of Sam staring him directly in his eyes. They didn't even hear their friends clapping and cheering.

"Sexy Mama I am forever in love with you" Puck said

"O M Ga Ga Diva you were so sexy" Kurt said

"Wanky" Santana said.

Mercedes and Sam were still staring at each other with their lust filled eyes and finally Sam spoke

"Get out"

"What did you say Sam?" Artie asked.

"GET THE HELL OUT!" he yelled

"We knew this might happen" Blaine said "alright everybody the real party's at my house."

Everybody started gathering their things to leave. Sam grabbed Mercedes and they ran to her room.

"Kurt lock the door on your way out" Mercedes said running up to her room.

**A/N: Let me know what you think :-) **


End file.
